Sex Therapist - Sex Addiction Specialist, Treatment and Relapse Prevention
Has Sex taken over too much of Your Life?
Conservative research estimates 5% of men and 3% of women suffer from various forms of sexual addiction! The numbers are likely to be even higher. Many more, spouses, families, and friends feel the devastating effects.
Sex addiction, unlike most addictions, has multiple ways to manifest and express itself. Affirmotive acknowledges the genetic, biological, social, and environmental factors involved with sexual addiction.
Common Manifestations of Sexual Dependency include;
Persistent, intrusive, distressing or out of control sexual thoughts and obsessions
Compulsive masturbation
Compulsive use of pornography
Frequent use of Internet sex, chat rooms, telephone sex
Love addiction
Sex without intimacy or attachment
Compulsive use of high numbers of sexual partners or sexual acts
Compulsively patronizing prostitutes
Sexually or non-sexually related high risk taking behaviours
An often overlooked aspect of sexual addiction is sexual anorexia.
Such behaviours can lead to low self-esteem, self neglect, self harm, social withdrawal, family and spouse neglect, relationship break up, loss of close family, loss of workplace, financial hardship, loss of status, loss of respect and self-respect, loss of self, loss of intimacy, and in extreme cases to lawsuits and imprisonment.
Only a small number of people with sexual dependency are at risk to become sex offenders with engaging in more extreme and criminal forms of sexual activity including; non consensual sexual acts, molestation, rape, and sexual violence.
Sex Addiction is Real and has a Specific Definition.
Sex addiction has a specific definition; 'The inability to stop your sexual thoughts and acting out when you want to, despite your awareness of the adverse consequences of your behaviour. It disrupts your life with you spending inordinate amounts of time satisfying your cravings.' (Source Patrick Carnes, PhD)
It is important to realize that sex addiction is NOT a moral failure, but can be defined as a stress-induced defect acting on a genetic vulnerability in the reward-learning (dopamine) system of the midbrain and the memory-choice (glutamate) system in the prefrontal cortex, leading to a loss of control and persistent cravings despite an awareness of negative consequences. (Source Kevin McCauly MD, Institute for Addiction Study, Salt Lake City, Utah)
Some Background Information on Sex Addiction Research.
Sexual addiction and compulsitivity is also described as a defect in the hedonic (pleasure) system in the brain, affecting impulse control and executive functioning, and eventually leading to various degrees of emotional distress, and/or anhedonia.
'Untreated sex addiction is like a bargain exchange of short-term extreme pleasures for a long-term steady high-cost meltdown of one's life.'
Affirmotive's Clients achieve their Goal to STOP Sex and Pornography Addiction
Sex addicts can fully recover. Sex addiction is a treatable disorder and requires the help of specialized professional intervention.
Affirmotive's intensive treatment plan to STOP sexual and pornography addiction and compulsive sexual behaviours offers solutions and prevention. It can change your life and is time and cost effective.
Spouse and Family Support
If you are a spouse, family member, or a close friend of a person who suffers from a sexual dependency issue, you may experience major emotional pain, confusion, betrayal, fear of the future, and disbelief. You may wish to consult with a professional sex addiction therapist who can answer your questions, provide background education on sexual addiction, and can assist you with coming to terms with your own emotions.
Affirmotive offers specialist spouse support counselling, and will assist you in your pursuit of rebuilding your life and overcoming the devastating effects on your well-being that your partner's sexual addiction and sexual compulsive behaviours may have caused.
Affirmotive's Specialist Sex Addiction Counsellor
Affirmotive's Heide McConkey is a leading clinical sex therapist with many years of experience in the treatment of sexual addictions and sexual compulsions. She has developed the unique therapy model of Voice/Body Dialogue in Sex Therapy, for the faster and more effective treatment of human dysfunctional sexual behaviours and sexual addictions.
Signs and Symptoms of Sex Addiction. Am I? Test yourself!
Do you have a pattern of out-of-control sexual behaviours?
Do you keep secrets about your sexual behaviours. Do you lead a double life?
Do your sex needs lead you to having sex with people or in places you would not otherwise choose?
Do you find yourself drawn like a magnet to sexually arousing objects, materials, magazines, pornography, sexualising articles, or sex-scenes in various media including TV and film?
Do you have difficulty concentrating due to you shifting on to sexual fantasy?
Do you fear to be asexual? Do you avoid sexual relationships and/or touch, including touching your own body?
Do you feel remorse or shame after your sexual activities?
Do you find your new relationships having the same destructive patterns that have destroyed your previous relationships?
Are you experiencing severe negative consequences as a result of your sexual behaviours?
Have you seriously but unsuccessfully tried to stop your out-of-control sexual behaviours?
Are you persistently trying to cut down on your sexual activities?
Do you persistently pursue high-risk self-destructive sexual and/or non sexual activities?
Do you use sex or sexual obsessions as your primary coping strategy in dealing with moods, sadness, anxiety, inadequacy, overwhelm, self-rewards, anger, stress?
Do you need to increase your sexual experiences because you are disappointed or bored with your current level of satisfaction?
Do you experience severe mood shifts around your sexual activities?
Do you spend inordinate amounts of time in preparing for sex, being sexual, and recovering from sexual activities?
Do you have difficulties meeting your occupational, social, marital, parental or recreational demands due to your sexual behaviours?
Do you neglect self-care by prioritizing sexual activities over your needs for health, safety, recreation, food and sleep?
Are you in financial difficulties because you spend significant amounts of your money on sex?
Do you experience financial or occupational set-backs as a consequence of your sexual obsessions and behaviours?
Do you resort to anger, distress, restlessness, anxiety, violence if you are not able to engage in your sexual behaviours? (Relating to SRD, Sexual Rage Disorder).
Are you at risk of, or have you broken the law to feed your sexual needs?
Demystifying and Understanding Sex Addiction
'To the degree that we are not held and bonded, we will find something to hold on to, some substitute for that holding that we did not get'. Sam Keen
Development
An infant experiencing faulty early care giving is more likely to develop impaired attachment abilities. As a consequence and later in life, an affected person may be at a higher risk to form unhealthy attachment bonds to sustenance and behaviours, including sexual behaviours.
Childhood trauma such as neglect, abuse, and a lack of good parental guidance, early exposure to pornography, sexual suggestion, sexual touch, molestation, incest, rape, or other forms of abuse of a non sexual nature are often reported by affected individuals. Some people however do not remember any behavioural abnormalities in their up-bringing, but experience sexual addiction disregarding.
Stress can also play a significant role in compulsive sexual behaviours, with sex and sexual fantasies being used as a means for stress reduction.
Addictions require professional treatment to stop. There is growing evidence of a combination of contributing factors in the development of addiction, including biological, genetic, physical, and social influences.
Sex addicts 'self medicate' on sex to achieve a high. Sex, sexual acts, sexual fantasies, sexual partners, and masturbation are used like a drug and can be experienced alone or with a partner.
Coming down from a sexual high can promote psychological and physical withdrawal symptoms from mild to severe, including; tension, nervousness, cravings, urgency, irritibility, short temper, headaches, concentration difficulties, blurred vision, poor sleep, feeling sick, pains and heaviness in groins area, and a feeling of 'going crazy'.
Love addicts 'self medicate' on lovers to achieve a high and/or a sense of power and self esteem. Sex itself may not be a primary concern, but is used to keep the lover hooked.
Love addicts depend on needing a partner, but tend to lose interest quickly when their goal is achieved, often followed by intense feelings of aloneness and depressed moods. These feelings are commonly overcome by either moving into a fantasy bond with an existing or new partner, or by pursuing new relationships.
Sexual Anorexia
An often-overlooked aspect of sexual addiction is the phenomena of sexual anorexia. Sexual anorexics get their boost from abstaining from sex, similar to food anorexics who take control by self starving. Sexual anorexia is a controversial and confusing way of controlling a fear of losing oneself as a person in an intimate relationship, and is characterized by any of the following signs;
Distortion of thought
Obsess ional self-doubt about sexual adequacy
Distortion of body image
Fear of sexual pleasures
Avoidance of intimacy due to sexual fear
Self-destructing behaviours and depression
Shame and self-loathing over sexual experiences
Occasional periods of extreme sexual promiscuity
Extreme loathing of body functions
Rigid and judgmental attitudes about sexual behaviours of self or others
Self-destructing behaviours to stop, limit, or avoid sex
Avoidance of anything connected to sex
Sexual anorexics may compensate with a number of chemical or behavioural addictions, or with depriviation behaviours including compulsive cleaning, saving, debting, spending, hording, or various phobia responses. Familiy, culture, and religious groups of sexual anorexics may also impact on their views supporting sexual oppression and repression.
Sexual Addictions
Sexual addictions develop over time, and if left untreated, increase in intensity and severity. Urges to act out are typically preceded by specific triggers including; inviting environments, access, self-permission giving, stress, anxiety, irritability, frustration, boredom, tiredness, hunger, anger, loneliness.
Fantasizing about sexual scenarios or acting out sex will for a short time provide a high, relief, and relaxation, followed by feelings of shame, guilt, and more cravings.
In order to relieve symptoms, sex addicts typically act out more sex, or divert to co-morbid addictions, such as addictions to alcohol, drugs, nicotine, eating, glamour, spending, exercising, etc.
Compulsive rituals carried out to set the stage for acting out sex typically promote a state of euphoria and arousal in itself, and is part of the addiction.
Rituals may include getting in the mood, arranging private time, choosing a preferred environment, or grooming behaviours.
Over time, untreated sexual dependency may become the centerpiece of a sex addict's life and take priority over work, family, parental commitments, social life, finances, and self-care.
Sex addicts may lose control over their situation. The sense of being out-of-control can lead to restricted lifestyles, social withdrawal, mood difficulties, and hopelessness.
Individuals with this difficulty may also suffer from co-morbid addictions and substance dependencies, depression, anxiety, or suicidal thoughts.
Sex addiction is not primarily about sex or orgasm but about chasing a high. Fantasizing about or acting out sex releases various neurotransmitters (brain chemicals) e.g. Dopamine, Endorphin, gamma-Aminobutaric acid (GABA), and Glutamate.
GABA is the chief inhibitory neurotransmitter in the mammalian/human central nervous system and has the important role (amongst other roles) of controlling neuronal excitability throughout our nervous system.
Addiction can be seen as a sress-induced defect acting on a genetic vulnerability. On (sexual, or stress-induced) cue, the reward-learning system, located in the midbrain, reacts with a release of above normal levels of dopamine while the downregulating chief- inhibitory neurotransmitter GABA is dysfunctional.
Continued over stimulation of the reward-learning (dopamine) system interrupts communication with the choice-memory (glutamate) system in the prefrontal cortex, leading to a loss of control, persistent cravings, and subsequently compulsive restoring of homeostasis through more sexual acting out behaviours despite the awareness of negative consequences.
Sexual compulsitivity and addiction is also understood as a defect in the hedonic system (pleasure system) of the brain, affecting impulse control and executive functioning, and eventually causing various degrees of emotional distress and/or anhedonia.
The name 'Andedonia' stems from two Greek words, 'an' meaning 'without' and 'hedone' meaning pleasure. Anhedonia may be present in long-term sex addiction, drug addiction, depression and fatigue and is a state of diminished ability to experiencing pleasures coming from normal life events; such as normal sex, eating, exercising and social interactions. The sex addict commonly feels 'flat' and 'uninspired' in the absense of acting out their sexual compulsion.
Researchers theorize that anhedonia may result from the breakdown in the brain's pleasure system involving dopamine pathways.
The study of anhedonia also indicates a connection between continued over stimulation of the brain's reward-learning system using drugs, namely cocaine, amphetamines, and methamphetamines, and a depletion of dopamine and other important neurotransmitters.
Very long-term addicts are said to suffer from permanent or semi-permanent anhedonia due to extended overworking of neural pleasure pathways during active addiction.
An additional chemical named phenyl ethylamine or PEA also seems to play a role in the biological basis for sexual addiction. PEA is a brain chemical, commonly present in states of euphoria and falling in love. Researchers have argued that elevated levels of PEA boost feelings of infatuation, excitement, and euphoria.
There seems to be some evidence that sex and love addicts may depend on elevated levels of PEA. Although these persons may not use any substance, they may experience similar symptoms of excitement, craving and withdrawal.
A sex addict 'on the chase' may experience similar symptoms as common in drug addiction, such as sweaty palms, a quickened pulse, rapid breathing, and dilated pupils. Sex addiction is a condition that can be compared to certain characteristics of drug addiction.
Violation of sexual boundaries, (e.g. relationship, workplace, friends, strangers)
Anonymous sex
Compulsive use of sex workers
Compulsive use of establishments to contact new sex partners, (e.g. pubs, bars, public toilets, brothels, saunas, massage parlors, sex clubs, escort services)
Frequent switch between sex partners
Devoting inordinate amounts of time to sex (fantasizing, preparing, acting out)
High risk sexual acting out behaviours despite consequences of exposure, infection, injury, or accident
Please note that most sex addicts do NOT progress to stage two or three behaviours.
Stage two acting out may include;
Exhibitionism
Voyeurism
Indecent phone calls
Sexual touching without permission
Violation of sexual boundaries, (abuse of power by professionals; e.g. doctors, lawyers, counsellors, teachers, priests, etc.)
Stage three acting out may include;
Sexual behaviours involving violence
Rape
Incest
Child molestation
Child pornography
Untreated sexual addictions carry a high risk to mental and physical health
Depression
Isolation
Distorted thinking
Mood disorders
Substance abuse
Self harming
Accident or death as a consequence of high risk sexual or non-sexual behaviors
Increased risk for contracting and spreading sexual transmitted infections (STI's)
Suicide
Imprisonment
NOTE! Only some sex addicts become sex offenders. Affirmotive has a mandatory reporting duty if the counsellor has knowledge or sufficient reason to believe that a crime, including a sex crime, has been committed or is planned to be committed.
If you have recurrent thoughts of suicide, you must immediately contact your counsellor, doctor or nearest hospital!
